Tomorrow, is my last first day of high school.
Call me a sentimentalist, but this final year means a lot to me. And it makes me incredibly sad. The thought of leaving behind a decade worths of friends, teachers, hard work and memories makes me (very) nauseous.
I’m not one of those kids that is counting down the days until University. In fact, I’m quite the opposite. I’m perfectly happy where I am. I live in the same house as my family, I have the best friends, go to the best school, I’ve been seeing the same amazing counsellor for five years, been playing soccer on the same turf, and best of all, right now, I’m still a kid.
At the end of this year, all these things change.
It’d be really easy for me to dread my way through this year, shedding tears every time I think of my whole life changing in June. I feel like my first day at SMUS was just a few sleeps ago. But instead of longing for the past and resenting the future, I want to make the most of this year.
I feel like senior year is one of the hardest times in ones life to live in the moment. You are constantly planning for your future. Prerequisites, entrance essays, keeping your grades up, choosing a university, choosing a program; all these decisions to make and lots of moments to lose.
While all of these things are incredibly important, I want to tell my grade twelve self to savour the little moments. Walking around campus with friends. Exchanging smiles with a teacher as I walk past them. Being able to walk less than a minute to my moms office. Spending every day in class with the kids I’ve grown up with. Waking up every morning to greet my incredibly grumpy siblings. Giving my dad a hug each day before I leave for school.
These seemingly small things that have been a part of my life for thirteen years will come to an end, and I don’t want to ever feel like I rushed through them.
In grade twelve, some set a goal for themselves to get into an ivy league school. Or to be an honour roll student. Or valedictorian.
But for me, my goal is to be as present as possible, even for the things that don’t seem to really matter.
And not in a, ‘oh my gosh this is the last time I’ll ever have Halloween in high school’, sort of way.
But in a, ‘Hey. This is pretty awesome’, sort of way.
I want to observe, reflect, and live in the moments that make up my senior year.
I’m sure in nine months you can come back to my blog to read a very emotional post about me graduating into the real world, but for now, this is me reminding myself to be present.
For all of us, it’s easy to get lost in deadlines, meetings and workloads. So feel free to join me in my quest for the year.
In that presumably sappy post I’ll publish in June, I’ll let you know how I did.
Here’s to the start of the end, the final chapter of a thirteen chapter book, and the many moments I will savour between now and graduation.
6 thoughts on “a prelude to my senior year”
Hi Claire. I’ve enjoyed reading your sensitive and thoughtful comments about your final year of school. Change is always scary but never disappoints! You’ll be stronger and more resilient because of it and also, wonderfully, independent and your own woman. A fantastic voyage of discovery into YOU. Enjoy this last year and have fun – its a precious time and as you say ‘be as present as possible’. That sounds like an excellent and mature strategy. Love Jane xx
Thanks Jane! Miss you lots:)
If I were to hashtag your last text titled “A Prelude To My Senior Year”, it would look like this :
Do enjoy the moment, Claire, and know that life awaits and it will bring new experiences, new friends, new memories, but all in good time. No rush, right?
Yes! Thanks for your comment, the hashtags are very accurate 😉
Yes, indeed. “I want to observe, reflect, and live in the moments that make up my senior year.”
Hi Claire- I’m re-reading this halfway through your senior year and I have to say that I’m super proud of you. I know this has been a hard year with all the restrictions and is NOT at all what you have imagined your grade 12 year to be. However, I do believe that your resilience and perspective throughout this year will see you through! You are doing an AMAZING job with all of this — and it’s halfway point. As rocky as things might seem this year, remember to keep savouring the little things and never lose sight of how amazing you are. Love you to bits!